I can’t speak for all marriages, but I know while I am happy in mine, it hasn’t always been smooth. Ups and downs happen, and things can get tiring. Sometimes I think about those memes where single people make fun of themselves for remaining single while the rest of their friends are in relationships. Shouldn’t there also be some space for those in relationships to make fun of themselves, too? Like… hey, some of us actually feel trapped, some of us feel stifled, as though we lost different parts of ourselves when we give them to others. I wanna see memes that make fun of our situation, of our decision to commit. I wanna see comics that jab at my inability to keep the money all to myself, to always think of another. I don’t think it takes away the default beauty of a good and healthy relationship, right? I suppose some may think by making fun of the downs, it's an expression of the lack of gratitude. While I get that may be the case for some, it hasn't been for me. I want memes that make fun of relationships. In fact, I think acknowledging the downs make the relationship better. When I accept that downs happen, all the images and expectations of perfection erode, too. And I become better able and more equipped to embrace the comforting imperfections that come with being human. 

Some may find it a great thing about marriage—this idea of often, if not always, having another in mind. But for myself, someone who values her own space, it can get a little tiring. For the larger part, though, I do think it’s something that makes me a better person, because I don’t always think about myself, haha. 

Today carries no anniversary, no special occasion, just a simple Tuesday following a set of weeks that were a bit tough for the two of us. Tough enough to wear us both, to chip at our values, to challenge us as individuals and as together. We emerge, together and loving, but not energised, not refreshed.

People like to say hardships make people better and stronger. But there are downs that strengthen a person, and there are also downs that break down and leave cracks. It doesn’t always make us so enduring, so resilient. 

Breaks are repairable, though. Throughout this period, I think of Kintsugi. I think of how the Japanese potters did it and even thought of it. Their creativity, their way of embracing the flaw of the broken pieces, their way of elevating it. They avoid giving in to inevitable regret and they avoid waste, so they made do, and made it better. My thoughts are with the cracks of the bowl, and I think of how they shine gold. The bowl can’t sustain itself when broken. The bowl can’t hold itself together, it’ll shatter further without the help of another. That’s where the sheen of the gold comes in. It’s not just to mend, but to beautify. It is not to hide, but to embolden, to fill the item with pride. 

And I feel that way about our relationship, too. I’m not always so strong, neither is he. We break and crack, sometimes alone, sometimes together. But we do converge. And we each have our own set of gold. With that, we mend each other, for ourselves and the other we always have to think about. And while it isn’t always so easy, while I think of the imaginary memes making fun of me, I am content with my decision, I am content and thankful for my situation. I am content to be married to my partner.