"Toxic friends".
I'm not sure whether this phrase has become a recent trend, or because I've only just started becoming more observant to the terms around me, but lately I've been seeing all kinds of views and opinions on this topic being expressed. Since more half of the year has passed and I feel like I learnt a lot of painful and bitter lessons about friendship, here are a few of my many chaotic thoughts on the topic.
Psychology Today describes toxic friends as "friends" who make their peers constantly feel as though there is something wrong with themselves. I suppose you could say being around toxic friends is like treading along in a minefield; any wrong step would cause a horrible explosion, and the worst part is that you can't tell where or when will that wrong step be.
But after hearing lots of rants from others on their "toxic friends", I begin to wonder whether the phrase has been thrown around a lot. More importantly, I wonder if in actuality, everyone possesses their own toxic characteristics, but they fail to see it.
And if the latter is true, wouldn't a good way to carry on is to realise that bad characteristic, acknowledge it, learn from it, and improve? To do that, though, would require the help from another person, and that person has to likely be a friend. Probably a friend who has put up with all the toxic characteristics from forever, but is more than willing to help and forgive.
Of course, as I genuinely express all of this, I can sense the many eyes rolling and the many sounds of scoffing as a reaction to what many would call "unrealistic thinking". People aren't that easy nor are they so nice, Izza. I get that, very much. Even if I don't, I'm starting to. I still however wish to invest in thinking differently. And hoping that it's possible for people to forgive old friends who have caused lots of pain, no matter how difficult.
I suppose a personal reason why I wanted to share this is because I currently face the difficulty of finding the willingness to forgive. I can't even begin to count the many times I've been hurt by the actions of my friends. But I can't keep resenting them and labelling them as toxic, there has to be a way to move on healthily without the heavy burden of bitterness weighing me down.
In many ways, this is a purgation in the form of words to tell my own self to forgive as I move on. In a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago, we can't really rely on others to owe us the things we always expect them to. We can hope that they be decent, we can hope that they be good friends who at least know when not to be toxic, but sometimes, often in fact, they fail in that aspect. And maybe if we want to keep them, we come clean and trash it out honestly. But maybe, if we don't wish to take the risk of being so close and vulnerable, we can just move on.
Some bad friends may just be struggling humans. They suck, but they can grow to be better. So many people I know had horrible traits, but as time passed by, they became better versions of themselves, and they even acknowledged their "toxic" characteristics that may have costed a lot of wonderful relationships in their past.
Not saying bad
friends aren't hurtful. They are a pain and it's liberating to let them go
without explanation. To be away from them is an important form of
self-care too. Leaving may be the best option for most of us. But if we do, hopefully there'll be an ounce within us that pushes us more towards forgiveness, rather than pure resentment. Thanks for reading this far. I'm still learning so do share your views if you have any.
