Exams have sucked the life out of me.
It has sucked out my time, my interactions, and my creativity. I feel no longer confident of my capabilities, and I feel that my writing style has been carefully indoctrinated to emulate the style perfectly conditioned to examination constraints.I feel tired, because my energy? Exams have sucked that out of me, too.Sigh.But I know that this journey, on the whole, is more than just pen, paper, and grades. It's much, much more than that. It's a whole arduous journey that's testing on my mental and emotional strength more than it's testing on my academic proficiency in the subjects I study.And because of that, I don't wish to go down without a fight.
Written in a diary entry on 20th October, 2015
In around merely two hours, I'll get to know my 'A' Level results. Results. Funny how that six-letter word is simply defined by the dictionary to be "a consequence or an outcome", when in context the word carries much more impactful meaning than that.
Results. Grades. A ticket to the next destination. Life-determining letters. The reflection of your work. Another human being's biased view. The key to different doors. A certificate bringing you to places. Something that can make you, or break you.
Dramatic as I may be, you get the idea.
Looking back, after knowing the hard work I did, all the effort I've put in and all the blood, sweat, and tears I've churned out during the journey, I still don't know what to expect later on. I have not the slightest inkling of what I'll be seeing, only the potential implications of it. I really, really, have no idea.
What I do know, though, is what I wish to remind my future self, no matter what the results will be, heartbreaking or not.
I did not, do not, and hopefully will not, regret my decision to take on the 'A' level journey. It was tough; boy was it tough. (How many times have I said that? Broken record me is at it again). But in a way, it was necessary for me. God put me there, and I really did put my all into it. My all may not be impressive, but it was still my all.
Like I said, all those months ago, this journey isn't just about pen and paper and the future a combination of the two can bring. It's about me, too. It's about how I braved through everything in the way I could. With the people around me, my loving family, friends, and teachers, I went through it. It taught me so many things, things that both stay within and extend beyond the classroom.
And I'm glad. Whatever it is, I'm glad.
Because I did not go down this rocky road without a fight.
