The exam results were released yesterday and I've got a lot of feelings but the most dominant one has got to be relief. The second semester of my second year was definitely the most difficult semester so far, so I'm extremely relieved to have pull through.

The semester before that one (Y2S1) was one of my best. I took amazing modules, learnt a lot of great things, and spent time with so many inspirational people. It was a refreshing breeze.

Y2S2, however, was so hard. I still had inspirational and comforting people by my side. I still took amazing modules. I still learnt a lot of new concepts and ideas. But it felt so hard. Maybe it was the increase in the occasional waves of crushing anxiety. Maybe it was the modules I took – enlightening but self-deprecatingly difficult. Maybe I bit off more than I could chew from the available meal course of Co-Curricular Activities. Maybe it was the fact that it was the first time I had to juggle everything, along with a set of part-time jobs.

I guess, looking back, it may be because of how utterly novel everything felt. And not in the exciting sort of way. I felt like I shoved myself too far out of my comfort zone. I'm inclined to believe myself to be daring and adventurous, so travelling away from the familiar isn't so uncommon for me. But this time, I was probably way too deep into many untrodden paths, that I lost my balance and bearings frequently.

This sem, a week would consist of around three meetings, all of which had its own respective follow up to-do lists. I had to swallow a lot of difficult truths regarding growing up and friendships. My grades seemed to suffer for every module. I had a breakdown almost every week (sometimes really just cos of the sake of it hurhur this girl gotta express herself through tears). It was hard.

And yet, at the same time, I guess it wasn't that hard. I had friends who stuck comfortingly by me. I was surrounded by inspirational students. My parents were there, as always, supporting me through various generous means. I learnt a lot from my difficult modules (sth I'm so deeply grateful for). I also gained lots of new experiences from my fellow exco members, my development team, and my involvement in the production, Awallah Dondang. 

Thinking about the sem this way makes it easier to move on and focus on improving. It was definitely a difficult set of five months, but what's easy these days? Gotta just stay strong and pull through, cos that too shall pass.

So, going back to my results, alhamdulillah. It isn't much; I did expect better for certain modules, but overall, I'm happy. I'm relieved, even genuinely surprised – mostly relieved – that it even increased. A mean voice tells me that I probably don't deserve this. I could've worked harder, I could've done better. But I'm gonna listen to my relief. I'm gonna listen to how, despite it all, I did do what I could. And I'm gonna listen to how this is the middle mark. I've got four semesters left, and I will work hard for each of them. InsyaAllah.